The Only Person That I Hate More Than Him
by idkgirl27
Summary: I hate myself so for feeling this way. I can't stand myself, how could I let things get this far? Kyle's POV Kyman/Cartyle


I hate myself so much right now, even more than I hate that fat sack of shit that's lying in bed next to me.

How could I let this happen? I fucking hate Eric Cartman, so why in the hell would I sleep with him?

I don't even remember much from yesterday. Stan, Kenny, and I were at Cartman's house just hanging out. I can remember that Stan and Kenny left. I can remember that Cartman and I got into an argument. Then my memory gets a bit blurry.

I don't even remember what we were arguing about. He just started with his Jewish insults and I started with my usual fat insults. We were just yelling in each other's faces. Eventually our faces were only a couple inches from each other and suddenly we weren't arguing anymore but we were making out.

I'm not sure who kissed who but all of a sudden our mouths were pressed against each other's.

I was fucking making out with my worst enemy and the worst part is that I remember enjoying it.

I remember him pulling off my hat from my head and for once I didn't give s shit that my hair was exposed.

Cartman didn't even laugh at my red curly hair, instead he begins to run his fingers through it.

He pins me up against a wall and I feel a need to be close to him. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull his face closer to mine. He lifts me up and breaks the kiss, looking me in the eyes.

I stare into his chocolaty colored eyes, asking for my permission to take things further. I simply nod and smash my lips back onto his. He carries me upstairs to his bedroom and sets me down.

I quickly pull off all of my clothes and he does the same.

For a moment we both stopped and looked at each other.

This was my chance. My chance to put an end to what was happening and what was about to happen. I should've stopped right there. I could've told him that this was a **_huge _**misunderstanding and that I wasn't really interested in him.

But I didn't. Even if I wanted to I couldn't.

He starts waking up to me and all I can think about is how much I want to do this. How much I need to do this.

He pushes me onto the bed and climbs on top of me.

This is when my mind really goes blank.

I can remember small bits.

I remember looking into his eyes, the way his lips brushed against mine, the way his skin felt pressed onto mine.

I don't remember much except for the fact that I **_loved _**it. It felt so right and natural being with him.

I hate myself for feeling this way. I can't stand myself, how could I let things get this far?

When I woke up this morning I had forgotten where I was but now I remember. I'm naked in bed with Cartman, Eric Cartman.

I'm laying on my side glaring at him. There's always the slim chance that this is just a horrible dream, but it's not.

Finally the fatass shows signs of life.

He's laying on his back and I can see his eyes open slowly, as he begins to awaken from his morning daze. He turns his head and looks me up and down as if he had forgotten all about last night.

A smug smile appears on his face and he looks back up at the ceiling, "Good morning, _Kyle._"

The way he says it digs under my skin. I don't understand why I'd ever put myself in this position, "I hate you."

Cartman turns on his side and looks at me. He laughs to himself, "You didn't seem to hate me last night."

I keep my eyes locked with his, "Fuck you."

He laughs some more and begins to run his hand along my body, "You already did that, _last night_."

The way his hand feels against my bare skin, it's like fire. It burns and I don't know why but I pull myself closer to him and bury my face in his chest, "I can't stand you, I can't even look at you…"

He rests his hand on my waist and buries his face into my hair. He laughs a little but this time it's more nervous as if he's unsure of himself, "You… you don't really mean that, do you?"

I want so desperately to mean what I had told him. I wanted to go back to hating him, back to how we were before, but I can't.

"I…. I do hate you. I hate you so much I could die…" I know when I say this that I'm lying. I lift my head up to look at him. There's something different about him right now. Usually his arrogance is suffocating but right now I could tell that he was vulnerable. I lift my hand to his face and rest it on his cheek. He sharply exhales and his breathing becomes heavier. I don't want to confess and my words come out slowly, "But I think that I love you just a little more than I hate you."

A small sigh of relief escapes him, "I love you, Kyle."

I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into it. I **need **to be close to him. I can't explain why and it terrifies me, "Can we just keep this a secret, please?"

Cartman pulls away from me and lays on his back. He laughs as he stares up at the ceiling, "Yeah, I understand. I'm not exactly eager to brag to the whole town about how I banged the Jew."

I give him a small punch on his arm and lay my head on his chest. I look up to him and he looks back at me.

I can't stand this. How he looks at me, the way he's making me feel.

I want to hate him so bad but I also want him to love me.

I'm hopeless.

I bring my face closer to his and I can sense the anticipation.

He wants me too, I can tell.

I press my lips softly to his and he pulls me closer in.

I'm right on top of him, both of us completely naked, but it's not close enough.

I break the kiss and find it painful to put distance between us, but I need him to know, "I love you."

He smirks and flips me over so that he's on top of me. Our lips back on each other's and our hands exploring each other's bodies again.

I can't believe myself. Eric Cartman has tormented me my whole life but I still love him so much that I can't stand it.

Man, I hate myself.


End file.
